It’s 1:45am. This is getting old. My unhealthy sleeping habits I mean, but that’s a tired subject. Today, I am extremely grateful that I am writing again. It means so much that I am doing it under no obligation. I feel like a weight has been lifted(I’m not too cool for clichés you know but seriously, I do).
I have been in this place where I had literally given up. On life and everything that comes with it. I let work pile and did nothing to even show the slightest interest. I passed up some opportunities and also grabbed some that I added to the work pile only for them to pass as well. I actually wasn’t bothered. More annoyed that here was something else that needed my attention but wouldn’t get it anyway. Now I know there’s something called procrastination. This wasn’t simply procrastination. I decided(subconsciously of course) nothing was worth the effort anymore. I was tired, as I usually am, but not a physical kind of tired. There was nothing to show for my energy. What had I done with it? It was the kind of tired that makes you want to forget everyone and everything and move to a new town on the other end of the globe and start a completely different life where no one knows you. The kind of tired that makes you want to forget how to think, the exhaustion that comes only from existing. A deep sense of boredom with everything life has to offer.
How do you deal with this? I didn’t know. I still don’t. I’m just grateful that I am doing this. I am not saying that I am getting serious with my life and moving the mountain of work that has piled with a new determination. Hell, I’m not even sure I want to wake up and face today. I don’t have 9 tips on how you can get out of a deep procrastination trench. There’s no ‘But…’ sentence to follow this as expected either. I just hope you are not going through the motions. I hope you are living life with a little more passion. I don’t know if you have to actively seek it out or if it comes to you somehow. A fate of some sort. But don’t settle. It is so easy to fall into the pattern of just surviving the day, with nothing solid to look forward to. But don’t settle. I hope, unlike me, you can be at your grind every day.
“You are, you are the future.And the future looks good,the future looks good…”– Future looks good, OneRepublic