State of the Nation Undress(morning after)


[This is not a political writing. I promise]

“I slept in last night’s clothes and woke up in tomorrow’s dreams.”

Have you heard that song? I actually don’t know what it’s called but I heard that line and it stuck. It comes to mind this morning because, as you can see, no truer lyrics have been sung.

Yesterday was lit! Okay, not the whole day, just the part were we had the cocktail in the Serena gardens. Boy, that place is the ish. Expensive wines and all, plus music. I love a good party. I know there were old men who don’t know much about dancing but hell, I had a good time.

So after the good time, I came home tired and that is how I ended up sleeping in my imported jacket. Anha! That’s right. This piece of shiet was imported, I had my dress prepared but ‘orders from above’. Mehn! It looks patriotic and all except this morning I had some rumors the colors are in the German flag order not the Ugandan one. An honest mistake, I’d like to think but those talkers are out to criticize. I was warned.  But anyway nobody knows me as such, I’m new at this so those cameras sure wouldn’t be looking out for me now, would they? I thought so too. Also, I see those celebrities on E! wearing some cringe-worthy clothes but dang, they are expensive so those fashion critics can sure swallow their words. I mean, if you are wearing something that’s worth their one month’s salary why would you care?

That’s the thing I like most about this fairly new life. Apart from long-ass boring speeches and shiet, there’s all these allowances that come with this. For one, my first car is going to cost 100m. *squeals* Excitement on a hun’n. Argh, I feel like the old people language is going to rub off on me then I’ll no longer be cool and hip but mehn! Prices must be paid. I’ll hang out with Sharry and the other people sometime. But then, I can’t be sure of who’s my friend now. What if they want my money? Besides, I have some hella debts to pay from the campaigns.

The party did contribute, of course, it’s NRM as in???? But, I had to borrow some more money. Those campaigns were damn expensive, I don’t even get what the hullaballoo about waiving taxes off some of our allowances is about. But poor people also! Ah. If I were to be vocal, (which I know I shouldn’t be otherwise I might lose out on some ministerial position or a re-election, not because I’m against the government as such but the way these people reason oso) I would tell them that we get allowances for almost everything and waiving the fuel tax is only fair, right? Or maybe I’ll tell them they didn’t have to spend millions to get their jobs worth my jacket. But that would only work against our cause. So, those things of being vocal, apaana!

I used to be vocal those days by the way. Of course I am still vocal, you think getting villagers to vote for you comes easy? Waa, you have to talk! Talk a lot. But not like these people who be there wasting time. I used to admire those FDC people, I swear but mehn! They go through shiet I can’t handle. I heard some guy was arrested for wearing a T-shirt with Besigye’s face manya printing them. Ah-ah, I can’t deal. I even believed those things of bringing change but I’m a realist. Realist, I said. They want to be the Nelson Mandela’s of Uganda??? Ahbeg, that’s too idealistic. All they are getting is teargas and nights in prison and house arrests and…all bad things just know.

Anyway, we’ll talk later. You see, I have to be in office these first days before I begin constructing my bu apartments. (Anha, damn right I have a plan in case those villagers don’t vote for me again.)


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