For days like these, when your memory fails to cover the wounds that haven’t healed, because the doctor said some don’t need Band Aid. They need to be left alone, untouched, uncovered…they need to ‘breathe‘ he said. And so you had to ditch your favorite jeans because sometimes, the things you love the most dredge up painful memories. If only you had not been walking too fast, if only the thoughts had quieted just for a moment, maybe you should have stopped to let them settle…but hell, you didn’t.
And on days like these, when you accidentally ram into something while having the same thoughts that caused you to trip, it’s hard to ignore the wounds that haven’t healed isn’t it? You sit aside and give yourself a moment to breathe. You should always remember to breathe when the pain makes you hold your breath a little longer than you should. Breathe baby, breathe. It’s easier to let it out while you breathe. It’s harder today because you were healing, you know you were but you’re back five steps. Maybe it bleeds afresh, but most times it just stares back at you while it pains so bad. The worst part with this is that you can’t explain it, only you can feel the throbbing underneath your fragile skin…the blood rushing trying to repair your brokenness. Your skin feels clammy and warm, gathering parts of you that are alive to ease your pain.
And on days like these, when the only one that gets you is you; there is not much of an escape. You can’t hold the pen because you cradle your knees to your chest. It’s too painful to do anything else other than allow yourself to celebrate your pain. Your wounds haven’t healed, but you are alive. The pain has not killed you yet. Maybe it will one day, who knows what they’ll die of? But you are alive.
On days like these, when your memory fails to cover up wounds that haven’t healed, remind yourself; you are alive. Breathe baby, breathe. You are an odd mix of roughneck and delicate soul and today, your delicate soul proportions strip you of all rough and leave you heaving, cursing survival. Allow yourself to breathe on days like these….
Waves | Mr. Probz